Blessings.

Have you ever seen something that made you feel grateful, humbled, amazed, happy, sad, and humiliated at how selfish you are all within like 10 seconds? Today I did. 

I was driving to Walmart to pick up some things for a craft project I want to do. At the stop light just before I got there I noticed a man on the corner, waiting for the signal to change so he could cross the street. He was dressed in homely looking clothing, he had a backpack that looked like it was so full it might burst any second, and he was walking alongside his bike that looked more like a tricycle for adults. On the back of the bike was a small suitcase that also looked full of things. He walked with a limp and from the way his arm was positioned it looked as though he either had some sort of birth defect or condition that prevented him from using his arm properly. I watched as he walked right in front of my car, and as he paused to be sure another car approaching the signal was actually going to stop for him. In my mind, a thousand thoughts hit me at once. I was trying to imagine his story, how he got to this point. Whether he was happy with his life, or if he felt cheated. Was he incredibly grateful for the proper use of both legs so he enjoyed riding his bike rather than driving places in a car? Or could he not afford anything else? There were so many possibilities.

I have seen this man closer to my house, on the same bike, a number of times in the past. But I can't help but feel like today God put him on that corner, right in front of me,to teach me something. To make me stop, and reflect on what is truly important. I find myself so busy sometimes, caught up in worldly things. I get jealous of others, the things they have that I don't, the talents and abilities they possess that I want for myself. I get impatient with my girls, treating them like they should know what I do at 21. I take big and small things for granted. Like the fact that I am 100% healthy, with no major medical issues or disabilities. Like the fact that my two sweet angels are healthy as well, and beautiful on top of that. Like the fact that my parents generously allow us the use of a car, so that I can go to Walmart without having to bike 15 miles there and back.  The list goes on and on. 

In one moment, I felt so grateful for all the blessings I have, and ashamed that I am too busy, prideful, and selfish to recognize them more often. So here is my thought and challenge of the day. Make a list- either in paper or just on your heart, of all the things you are truly grateful for. Big, small, it doesn't matter. Recognize them. Give thanks for them. If they are people in your life, tell them. And when it's especially difficult to feel grateful or to count your blessings, remember that list. Feel free to share what you're grateful for- I'd love to hear it, and I'm sure it would inspire others. :)

Life is beautiful. 

Embarassed? Never.

I'd like to believe that I'm one of those people who doesn't really care what other people think, but lets be real....I care. A lot. Case in point...dinner tonight. 


So Haven and I decided to have a special date tonight and go to the Blue Lemon restaurant for dinner. I say special because it truly was- we are so broke that we probably shouldn't have even eaten McDonald's for dinner. By the time I had changed the girl's diapers, dressed the girls, made the girls bottles, packed the diaper bag, straightened my hair, put some makeup on, changed clothes and waited 5 extra minutes for Haven to put on his shoes and get us out to the car,  I was STARVING. All of us were, including the kids. We stopped at Wendy's and picked up some chicken nuggets because we didn't want to spend our kid's future college tuition money on their overpriced kids' meals have to wait for kid's meals too. After what seems like three years, we have ordered and are finally seated at our table waiting for our food. 


Now, picture this. Sophia is literally taking the little number 12 that we were given and banging it over and over again on the table, as if she were trying to say to the staff, "Hey guy's, could we get a move on before my parent's decide they want to eat US?!" Haven, who is feeding the girls their chicken nuggets, thinks I am unaware that he is sneaking nuggets past me and the girls...right into his mouth. I wanted to be mad about this, but honestly I wanted to eat them too.... and after a bit I realize that even though he says he's eating the nuggets that the girls have dropped onto the floor, he is just reaching down into the bag under the table and eating the good ones. Stay classy. 


After a bit we notice a table caddy corner to ours with a little family. There are three kids, three plates. Two plates are wiped clean, and one plate has what looks like an entire, uneaten, still hot and steaming lemon grilled BLT sandwich. Literally. Not a single bite taken out of it. As soon as I notice it, (and it was hard to miss, strategically placed on the corner of the table to tempt us) I look over at Haven as if to say "don't even think about it..."when I notice the expression on his face. His eyes were as big as my head, his mouth hanging open in disbelief and amazement- looking like he had been in a desert for days and he is seeing a glass of water and a steak. He could have been drooling like one of our kids and it wouldn't have surprised me. I should have known that the first words out of his mouth would be "Do ya' think they're gonna EAT that?" I couldn't help but laugh out loud at my poor hungry caveman husband. Only he would have the audacity to even think it lol. As we sat and waited for our food i noticed him casually looking over every once in a while, probably planning some socially inappropriate way to go and straight up beg for that sandwich. Thankfully, he did nothing. When our food finally came, Haven was done and already picking the scraps off my plate (and the nuggets that really had fallen onto the floor) within 5 minutes. Shocker, I know. When he had eaten everything he could reach and tried all the sodas at the soda machine,  he just sat and stared at the table. "I'm still hungry" he says, and nods to the now empty table caddy corner to us. The people have left, but that beautiful, greasy, juicy, untouched sandwich is still sitting there! They didn't even take it with them! Naturally my first thought is "What a waste of food and money". Naturally, Haven's first thought is "Their loss, MY gain!" and he almost stands up to go grab it. 


This is the point I am talking about. The point where you realize you DO actually care what people think. Had we been alone, I would have probably gotten up and grabbed that thing myself. And I would have smiled and maybe even blogged about our lucky find. But we weren't alone and I put myself in other people's shoes. My husband is eating my kid's chicken nuggets, as well as everything that falls out of  my sandwich and onto my plate, and now we are going and getting the left-over food scraps from other diner's tables. In that moment, I was horrified at the level of white-trash-ness we were exhibiting. I started laughing hysterically again and I said "Honey, PLEASE don't do it...oh my goodness this is so embarassing...please don't." If you know Haven, you can picture him saying this. "Well why not?" As a girl comes to clean the table and stack the food, Haven looks on longingly and I try to imagine the moral dilemma going on in his hungry man-head. He eventually looks back at me resolutely and says "I'm going to ask her for it." At this point I want to cry because I know he is not kidding and that my cheeks are red and that i will never want to come back to this place even though the food is really delicious because they will always remember us as the white trash couple who steals leftover food from people's tables. *Sigh*. Thankfully, right as I tell Haven not to, the girl whisks the food away right behind us and the opportunity for complete and utter embarassment is gone. I am relieved. But Haven looks like a kid who waited all year for presents under the Christmas tree but on Christmas morning doesn't get to open them. Utter devastation. 


I guess I do care. Probably too much. As I write this I'm thinking that sandwich would be delicious right now. 


We should have gone to McDonald's. 

Poop is private.

If anyone has ever told you this, I'm here to inform you, they LIED. Flat out, straight to your face, lied to you. As a mother of three I can tell you that almost nothing is private. Life in this house very much resembles "big brother".  Everything you do is watched, including what happens in the bathroom.

I'll tell you how it begins. First the urge hits,  so I quickly survey the room and ask myself, "Can I make it there without them seeing me?" and I go into mission impossible mode... gathering Lexie in her bouncy seat, throwing a toy in the opposite direction and yelling for the girls to get it. They start to walk to other way and I make a mad dash for the bathroom, squeezing my cheeks as I run. I get there, get the bouncy seat on the ground, unbutton my pants, peek out the door, and by now they've realized they have been duped! They are fast approaching, I must get the door closed NOW! I turn the lock and hope for the best. There's silence for a moment and I think I've accomplished the impossible. But oh how I'm wrong, the banging and knocking begins, followed by the screaming, and Evie asking repeatedly, "Mommy, ya poopin'?".  After three minutes of not being able to concentrate, I  finally give in, and they rush in like flood water engulfing me.

I now have Lexie in front of me grunting, Evie next to me literally brushing my hair and trying to do my nails and Madie pulling pads, toilet paper, tampons, makeup everything I hold dear out of my cabinets. Have you ever tried to poop during such chaos? It is not easy. Although nothing in motherhood is easy, so why should using the bathroom be any different? Then again, no one ever said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it and for once "they" were right.

Even through the chaos and the crying, nothing in the world in more rewarding then pooping with your kids. You have to remember that they just want to be around Mommy, they want to be just like Mommy and for now Mommy can do no wrong. So I'll enjoy the public pooping and immense amount of diaper changing while I can because 13 years from now when I have a 15, 14, and 13 year old that hate me 80% of the time, I'll look back on their constant shadow behavior and smile, because they love me and I love them. I'm sure one day it'll be me following them and their kids around and it'll be my diapers they're changing.

Muahaha.

It's the Mom life and I wouldn't have it any other way.