Friday, January 21, 2011

Seriously, So Blessed!

Here're somethings about 2010 that make me super greatful:

* All my races! And eyelash extensions.
* Cleanses.
* Getting some ME time now that glamma and Queenie each take Alivyiah and Tridger two days a week, so I still have to be in charge on Wednesdays, which is hard but so worth it.
* Me and Angelbabe getting preggo again!! I just can't stop saying WE'RE PREGGO!!!
* W/ a boy!! So fun! Can't wait! Induction is scheduled so we can still hit Cabo for sinko de Mayo, yay! Also going natural again!
* Watching Ruth's baby weight linger...I don't neccessarily WANT her miserable, but, it helps, you know? lol ;)
* Vintage!
* My great-grandma died {bummer} but I was able to rescheduled my hair appt {yay!} Isn't that how life goes?
* BEST IDEA EVER: when after we became pre-employed, I finally got JJWT to agree to just pretend it didnt happen til 2011 and have a kickA christmas! What would of been a depressing holiday has instead been SOOO fun! I literally couldn't beLIEVE it when I opened up a teensy adorable box and inside was a key and AngelBabe was smiling all huge and there, in our extra garage, sat the NEW SUV I've been dying for! Literally! I just didn't know how we'd squeeze THREE kids into our old one that could technically fit 8, but what about carpools and trips to the Gateway? tender mercy! Also I got a new dinning set. And bedroom set. And finished up the new nursery. Oh and we're leaving for a cruise next week! We deserve it!

Wishes & goals for 2011:

* a bigger, nicer house with more KITCHEN space for MORE KITCHEN STUFF!
* a bigger, nicer calling! Prefrably both of us get a good one!
* More RACES!
* Get super tan!
* More anthro! And more handmade! And more trips! Also a boat!
* Start an inspiration blog, a design blog, a cooking slash receipe blog, and a photo blog.
* Simplify!
* going off diet coke again, for REALS this time.
* hopefully, a job



Just so you know, this is a joke. It's from a website called "seriously, so blessed" that basically mocks every aspect of the Mormon housewife stereotype/culture. The constant blogging, the picture perfect marriage and catalog kids. The after baby-body ten minutes after giving birth, the homemade bread and organics-only cooking. The house that jumped out of a West Elm magazine. It's hilarious.
I find this type of humor funny for two reasons. First because it has so much truth in it. Mormon women feel a particular need to do everything the best, hands down. It's annoying. That girl at church with the perfect smile who is always happy and she's skinny and her husband is almost done with medical school and she made that little homemade quiet church book for her kid who is always quiet anyways..you get the idea. It's annoying. Second, it's also so NOT true...so not true that its funny people want other people to think it's true. But...the more friends I make, the more I realize what a joke this "perfect Mormon housewife" idea is. Case in point? A conversation I had with a girlfriend last week about my new ward. I was wondering why no one seemed overly-eager to come up to me and be my new best friend. We moved into a student ward, so everyone is basically in the same boat as we are. You would think that a situation that like would make for closer, better friendships and camaraderie among the members but instead I feel this unspoken competition of some kind. In the midst of my complaining this wonderful, honest friend of mine said, "Well look at you. You are skinny and pretty. You have long, gorgeous hair and beautiful, happy TWIN girls. Your husband has a good job, your house is always clean, and you try to look cute always..maybe they think you're a total stuck up brat and they;re intimidated by you." I realized that's probably true...but in my case, and I'm almost positive in most others as well, that life is far from perfect. This body, the “amazing after 2 babies one, only looks this way because I'm too lazy to cook the ready made biscuits in my fridge :) That long gorgeous hair is fake and I pay for it because I'm literally going bald. Sunday is sometimes the only day of the week I bother to put on makeup or wear something other than my jeggings and a stained t-shirt (Duh, homeless is the new hot). My kids are beautiful, but they also make me nuts. I usually tell them I'm going to kill them twice a day and I give timeouts like I drink coke...which is a lot. And my husband is in school for who knows what for who knows how long and we will be broke and in debt forever probably. I burn cold cereal and under the "interests" section of my getting to know you sheet in Relief Society I wrote carbs and pole dancing. Haven and I constantly butt heads and every other day I ask myself what drugs I was on when I said sign me up for marriage at 19 and 2 kids by 21. I wonder how my ward members would react if they knew what my life was like. If they saw me as a girl, with real problems, in a real marriage, struggling to make each day better than the one before and find happiness in the small things. I wonder how many of them would be able to say "Wow! I want to kill my husband when he does that too!" Or, "Hey! We went to McDonald's every night this week too...we should go together next week :)! Or, on a more serious level "I have struggled with my testimony of that too, here's how I tried to understand that principle." The point is, we all want to feel validated. I connect with the girl who puts it all on the line and is honest and real about the good and bad in her life. I feel validated when someone talks about their struggle to make it to church and actually enjoy it when they've got young children. Or when someone with a respected calling talks about how they are finding it difficult to fulfill their responsibilities and they feel utterly inadequate for the job. Isn't that what we all want? To feel validated? To know that we don't have to pretend, to convince others that they "belong" to the perfect people club because they are perfect, too? It makes me want to be more real, more honest and open with myself and others. Because Heaven knows that even though I wouldn't trade Haven or the girls for anything in the world ( and I AM seriously, SO blessed :)),we are so far from being "that family". I am not "that girl". I'm real. :)

9 comments:

  1. A good article that was my inspiration for this post..http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2011/01/15/feminist_obsessed_with_mormon_blogs

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  2. I can absolutely relate to this. I feel like my ward is full of perfect wanna be's! Until we get together for playgroup only to find out that someone else fought with their husband about the same stupid thing we fought about the night before! I wish we lived closer together for real because I need someone around like you to hang out with!

    I just had a conversation with my two year old trying to get her to tell me what she did with her pants so we can leave the house.... can't find them anywhere..... who has perfect kids.... not me but I love them to death!

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  3. I think it's sad how people jugde so quickly just from the appearances, and don't try to get to know you for who you really are. Obviously things are not going to be easy/perfect when you have twins, when your husband is deployed, (etc). And it always feels good to be able to talk about your struggles with friends (or family) you can trust.

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  4. Talking about "perfect" moms, you should also read this article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?

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  5. Love you girl! I love when we get together and actually talk about real life. And in no way is my life perfect either...like today, Ella decided to play in the toilet, like 'dip her arms in, pour water all over the bathroom floor' type of play in the toilet. It was so fun, let me tell you...haha! I appreciate that you are real, but that means you need to be real about the good things in your life too. Sometimes it's so much easier to focus on what's wrong in our lives that it's hard to remember what is right. And you are amazing!

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  6. Heather- Love the feeling when you realize how much you relate to someone that you had no clue about or even secretly envied or thought was too cool for you lol. :) Playdates are so good for that!

    Lucie- for SURE! So nice just to have a sounding board of trusted people arouind you who may have really perfect advice or similar experiences. I love it when I tell Lauren about something Haven and I are struggling me and shes like "oh me and Mason do that too! We've been trying to do better by implementing this...." and it's always some genius idea that I hadn't even thought about.

    Alyssa- Ella is officially 2 kids instead of one. lol So now you have 3 kids. :) And you're right, I should be better about focusing on the good. I don't want it to appear that I can only put myself down so that others can feel OK to be around me. I fully believe that quote about when you let your own light shine you unconsciously give others permission to do the same. I love being acknowledged for what I am good at, and knowing my strengths. I love to be able to say with a big smile that "things with my hubby are esp. good this week, or this MONTH" without making it appear that is the case, all the time, always for us. Cause it aint! lol. And that's ok!

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  7. Oh girl.I know how you feel. Sometimes I just feel like a complete crazy person.I don't know if Alyssa told you whats been goinon or not...but if she did...yeah.I know what you mean..I think you're amazing.and totally gorgeous even if you do wear the typical mommy attire.we're moms..we are crazy like most of time. But ya know, seriously so blessed.lol.

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  8. Peed my pants during this. You are so funny and the gals in your ward are "seriously so blessed" to have you there now! My favorite thing on here was "homeless is the new hot" lol. I'm the hottest chick around then... I'm so grateful for friends who are willing to put it all out there and remind me that life isn't perfect, and it's ok to want to leave your children at walmart while no one is looking...
    love you girl!!

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  9. Wow... yeah. That just about sums it up. Thanks for putting it out there. I like that I feel pretty normal and not like a bad mom when I talk to you (and NO it's not because I think you're worse or anything - I think you're pretty awesome to be honest!) Thanks for making me feel validated. Let's get together soon - student wards are hard!

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